By Alex Roberts

There’s a new man about town; one who has the hair of a ostrich and the moral sensibilities of a starving hyena: the one, the only Boris Johnson. Apologies for the delay in commentary, but at times one finds themselves in a terminal funk from the pure idiocy before their eyes. The ascension of Johnson to the position of British Prime Minister has put the editorial team of EA Scene into a state of borderline nervous breakdown and the playing of drinking games regarding the different ways his hair vaguely looks like a post-client hooker.

Yes, he’s a reprehensible conservative who pushed an agenda of nationalism and finds wit deep within the ever-increasing folds of his own idiocy.

Yes, he’s said some truly bewildering things and managed to stumble, befuddled, upwards and on-wards.

Yes, he’s currently the public face of the failing Brexit effort that will (eventually) probably through, the UK, Europe and the rest of the world’s economy into an existential tailspin. These political leanings, however, are not special (see Trump administration, exhibit A).

For a moment, however, let’s focus on the real depths of Johnson’s fuckery, his actual opinions on Africa, and specifically the region of East Africa. In the simplest of terms, there has hardly ever been as cretinous a leader, mewling endlessly about the ‘glory days’ and what Africa ‘should really be’.

More than any of his myriad of other faults, Boris Johnson is a colonialist. Many a Western leader in this 21st century has had that ugly parlance laid down at their feet, and typically have deserved such categorization.

With Johnson, however, all of the trappings of decency and ‘coded’ language are stripped away; laid bare to reveal a shriveled cock of a man, pining for exploitation as a source of bygone national pride. His view on Africa is taken straight from the era of Winston Churchill who, has a hidden legacy beneath his known one as the fortitude of Britishness during Nazi attacks, that of a brutal racist. Johnson very much falls into that camp, and well beyond pure speculation and the reading of policy tea-leaves: his words are enough to speak for themselves.

It isn’t a stretch at all to say that Johnson wants British rule in African nations that were once colonized under the United Kingdom. To him, he imagines a racist relationship based upon subservience with the proceeds there in going to benefit the Britain of 2019/1950.

Just as America should have damn well known better electing a racist hell-hole like the orange one; the British should have been more responsible when putting Johnson in a position to possibly seize power with the views of pro-colonialism that he actively espouses.

‘Parliamentary system!’ They’ll cry. Yada-yada-yada.

If for decades of post-colonial history the British can look down their noses at the tumultuous tenures of various leaders in East Africa; then East Africans have every right to do exactly the same thing regarding the Johnson situation and ask Britain: what the fuck were you thinking?

Don’t take our word for it; have some direct quotes from the Prime Minister himself about East Africa.

In direct reference to Uganda, Johnson said: “The continent may be a blot, but it is not a blot upon our conscience. The problem is that we were once in charge, but we are not in charge anymore.”

About Barack Obama, Johnson said, in reference to his Kenyan lineage: “Some said it was a snub to Britain. Some said it was a symbol of the part-Kenyan President’s ancestral dislike of the British Empire- of which Churchill had been such a fervent defender.

If this isn’t enough in the column of convincing, let his overall statements regarding colonial policies sway you: “The best fate for Africa would be if the old colonial powers, or their citizens, scrambled once again in her direction; on the understanding that this time they will not be asked to feel guilty.’‘ Johnson said that in 2002. He was an adult when he said it, a Member of Parliament for that matter, as such Mr. Johnson should kindly sit and spin.

On top of this is his statement that Africa, is in fact, a singular country: “For all its difficulties, life expectancy in Africa has risen astonishingly as that country has entered the global economic system.” He said this as the Foreign Affairs Secretary of the UK in 2016; not exactly some ancient ‘gotcha’ quotation from the alleged ‘fake news’.

Just as Trump considers African nations to be ‘shitholes’ and should be regarded thusly, Boris Johnson’s future promises and outreach of diplomacy should be taken with equal skepticism and moral outrage. He just doesn’t give a fuck about East Africa, and has said as much. Take him at his word, and let his future ones be damned, after all the devil is a liar, and to that end, Mr. Johnson take your shit-kicker bicycle and go fuck yourself with it.

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